There’s a question that puzzles millions of people today, and maybe you’re one of them:
How can I love Jesus and cringe at Christianity?
It feels like a contradiction, doesn’t it? How can you be drawn to the object of a religion and repelled by the religion itself?
But here’s what I’ve discovered over 40 years of ministry: this isn’t a contradiction at all. In fact, it might be the most healthy thing you could feel depending upon your circumstances.
Because Jesus and Christianity are not the same thing.
In our last episode, we talked about the quiet exodus—the 40 million Americans alone who have left the church in the last 25 years. Today, we’re going to explore the paradox at the heart of that exodus: how you can be drawn to Jesus and still be repelled by Christianity.
And more importantly, why that’s okay.
Maybe you read the Gospels and you’re moved by Jesus’ compassion, His radical inclusion, His challenge to religious hypocrisy. But then you look at Christianity today—the culture wars, the scandals, the obsession with power and money—and you think, “This isn’t what Jesus taught.”
And you’re right. It’s not.
So today, we’re going to quickly explore three things:
1. What Jesus modeled
2. What Christianity has become
3. Why the gap between them is so painful—and what it means.
The Jesus of the Bible
If you want to know what Jesus is really like, you have six sources in the Bible: the four Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Plus the beginning of the Book of Acts and Some scenes within the last book of the Bible, the Revelation of St. John. These are the earliest and most reliable accounts of Jesus’ life, teaching, death, and resurrection.
And when you read them for yourself, here’s what you observe:
Jesus Modeled Compassion for Anyone Suffering
When you reflect the heart of God you don’t become a harsh legalist. His heart draws you to the suffering of others and you do whatever you can to make things better for them.
It could be suffering from the result of our own sins and unwise actions as in the case of the woman taken in adultery. Her pain was her own doing, but Jesus had compassion anyway.
Jesus seemed to have deep awareness of mental suffering. He resonated with what it felt like to be afraid and worried and often said to his followers, “Do not worry…” and “Don’t be afraid little ones…”
He was a powerful man, but he was full of compassion.
Jesus Welcomed Outcasts
Christ took delight in helping outsiders become insiders. Every society has outsiders. They feel the walls of rejection raised against them. Jesus created a door in those walls and helped them enter and function in society.
Jesus challenged hypocrisy, especially within institutions.
Jesus’ harshest words weren’t for drunkards and “sinners”—they were for religious leaders. He called them “whitewashed tombs,” “blind guides,” and “hypocrites.” He said they “shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces” and “travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.”
Strong words. But Jesus wasn’t being mean—He was being truthful. He saw how the structures of religion can actually function as a barrier between people and God, and He refused to let that stand.
Jesus prioritized people over rules.
Understandably, every society needs a set of behavioral rules and guidelines in order to function. These rules improve the general tone of behavior and regulate what you can expect to encounter when you go out each day.
But the rules should protect the weak and broken. When he was criticized for allowing his followers to gather wheat to eat on the Sabbath, He said, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” Jesus consistently prioritized the practical circumstantial needs of humans over any system of rules.
Jesus taught radical love.
“Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. Turn the other cheek. Go the extra mile. Give to everyone who asks. Forgive seventy times seven.” Jesus’ ethic of love was so radical, that even today it sounds impossible.
Jesus confronted the entitlement of those in power.
In every society, power corrupts those who hold it. This is true in government, education, finance and even in religion. Jesus stood up to the establishment, the Roman Empire, and rebuked the religious authorities of His day. He overturned bankers tables in the temple. He refused to bow to political or religious pressure. He spoke truth to power, even when it cost Him His life.
Jesus offered grace and forgiveness.
To the woman caught in adultery, He said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” To the thief on the cross, He said, “Today you will be with me in paradise.” To Peter, who denied Him three times, He offered full restoration. Jesus’ message was always grace first, then transformation will follow.
This is the Jesus of the Gospels. This is the Jesus people are drawn to.
But then we look at Christianity today, and we often see something very different. That’s probably enough said.
The Disconnect
I’m not here to bash Christianity. That’s too easy, doesn’t fix anything, and frankly, seems juvenile to me. I’m not a deconstructor.
In fairness, it must be stated with conviction that Christianity has done immense good in the world. Because of core concepts, patterns and initiatives taken by forces within Christianity, we have hospitals, universities, orphanages, and the concept of universal human rights in most of the nations of the world. Christianity in it’s many forms continues to be a blessing to humanity in countless ways.
But all is not well in Christianity. And if we’re going to be honest—if we’re going to have integrity with Jesus—we have to acknowledge that much has gone wrong. There is a growing gap between the clear teachings of Jesus and the actions of leaders representing Christian institutions. So many scandals. So many coverups. Millions of dollars misappropriated. Preachers with private jets. Christian groups selling out to politicians, to a million money-making schemes, etc., etc. It’s just too much and everyone is nauseated.
Cognitive Dissonance
So why is this gap so painful? And what does it mean for those of us who are caught in the middle?
Psychologists have a term for what happens when you hold two conflicting experiences at the same time: cognitive dissonance. It’s deeply uncomfortable. Your brain wants consistency, coherence, alignment. When you believe one thing but your experience of it is different, it creates internal tension.
And that’s exactly what millions of people are experiencing right now.
They read the Gospels and they see Jesus—integrated, compassionate, righteous, radical, grace-filled. They’re drawn to Him. They want to follow Him. They love Him.
But then they look at the ongoing flow of experience in their particular form of organized Christianity—and they think, “This doesn’t match.” The cognitive dissonance squeezes them.
What makes it even more painful mentally is to say that if you have a problem with Christianity, you also have a problem with Jesus because it His Christianity and founded it. They’re trapped.
Because if this Christianity around you is the system Jesus personally established and you have trouble with it, then you have trouble with Jesus. If you reject your church, you’re rejecting Christ. Sometimes you might even be told that your questions alone are evidence of rebellion against the Lord.
So, in that case, you feel guilty for saying anything from that point on. You wonder if something is wrong with you. You try harder to make it work, to ignore the disconnect, to just have a faith life.
But the dissonance doesn’t go away. It gets louder.
And eventually, you face what feels like an impossible choice: “I can stay and live with the belief that all this is fake and I’m participating in it, or leave my Christianity and risk losing my relationship with Jesus too.”
But I think that’s a false choice. There’s a third option. You don’t have to choose between blind compliance with flawed human religion, and wholesale abandonment of Jesus.
Because Jesus and Christianity are not the same thing.
Let me explain what I mean by that.
Here’s the key insight that changed everything for me:
Jesus is a person. Christianity is a system.
Jesus is alive, dynamic, personal, relational.
Christianity is a set of beliefs, practices, organizational structures, activities and traditions.
You can have a relationship with Jesus.
You can’t have a relationship with a system, even if it’s Christianity.
Christianity is the circumference. Jesus is the bullseye.
Everything else—Christians, church history, traditions, denominations, theologians—are the outer rings.
Jesus is the center.
When there’s a conflict between Jesus and Christianity—and there are many— Jesus must win. Always.
Internally, if there’s a conflict between how Jesus says to live and how I actually live, Jesus must win if I'm to be his disciple.
Jesus is the Standard.
Christianity is the Attempt.
Perfect vs Imperfect
What I mean is that Jesus is the perfect revelation of God. He is God in the flesh. Christianity is humanity’s numerous imperfect attempts to follow Him in an organized way. It’s a human thing.
Jesus is eternal and divine. “Christianity” is a jumble of traditions, organizations, rituals, political alliances, and businesses, organized by at least 40,000 separate groups of humans attempting to live out the Jesus way.
We’re going to get it wrong sometimes. We’re going to mess it up. Humans always do. But that doesn’t change who and how Jesus is.
Here’s the bottom line: You can be drawn to Jesus and repelled by your local form of Christianity because they’re not the same thing. And recognizing that distinction isn’t a sign that you’re backsliding—it’s a sign of healthy discernment.
It means you’re paying attention. It means you’re reading the Gospels.
It, hopefully, means you’re refusing to settle for a version of Christianity that doesn’t align with Jesus.
And that’s exactly what we need today. So what do we do with this? How do we move forward?
A Path Forward
If you’re experiencing this disconnect—if you’re drawn to Jesus but repelled by Christianity:
1. You’re not alone.
Millions of people are experiencing the same thing. This isn’t a fringe movement of angry ex-Christians. This is a massive, global reckoning with what Christianity has become.
2. You’re not crazy.
The disconnect is real. The gap between Jesus and Christianity is real. You’re not imagining it, and you’re not being overly critical. You’re seeing clearly.
3. You’re not weak.
In fact, the opposite is true. It takes courage to question, to push back, to refuse to settle for a version of Christianity that doesn’t align with Jesus. That’s strength, not weakness.
4. There’s a way forward.
You don’t have to choose between staying in a broken system or leaving Jesus behind. There’s a third way—a way that involves neither blind compliance nor wholesale abandonment.
It’s the way of “ReJesusing”* everything.
*Disclaimer: His way is much harder than the other two options, but if you pay the price you’ll get to experience what Jesus brought to our world. It’s the pearl of great price, but it will cost you all you have to own it.
And that’s what this podcast is all about. Stick with us.
So here’s where we are:
We’ve acknowledged the quiet exodus—the 40 million in the USA alone who have left the church in the last two decades. In this episode we’ve explored the paradox at the heart of this exodus—how you can be drawn to Jesus and at the same time repelled by your surrounding Christianity. We’ve established that this disconnect between the Jesus of the Gospels and the reality of institutional Christianity is real, it’s painful, and it’s not your fault.
But there’s even more going on in this story,
Because it’s not just people on the fringes who are feeling this disconnect. It’s also people in the trenches—pastors, ministry leaders, missionaries, church staff. People who have dedicated their lives to serving Jesus but are finding themselves emotionally exhausted from running the machine they’ve inherited.
In our next episode, we’re going to talk about the slow erosion of energy—what it’s like to serve in ministry while feeling that your institution is increasingly disconnected from the presence and power of Jesus. We’ll explore why so many faithful servants are burning out, and what it means for the future of the church. Stay with me one more episode as we acknowledge the depth of the struggle behind the curtain in many of our churches, schools, and organizations.
Because the crisis isn’t just about people leaving. It’s also about people staying—and slowly dying inside.If you’re in ministry and you’re exhausted, this next episode is for you. If you know someone in ministry who’s struggling, share this podcast with them. It could save their ministry.
Discussion Question:
Where do you sense genuine attraction to Jesus—and where does your form of Christianity feel more like friction than fuel?
Thanks for joining me on Grounded in this season, Let’s ReJesus Everything!.
I look forward to meeting you in the chat box and online…
Something NEW: I’m going Live 12 noon EST Thursday to answer questions and reply to some comments on this episode, I particularly want to explore the possibility that Jesus might not have started Christianity.
That’s not to discredit it or say it should be abandoned. There’s just a lot to unpack here conceptually and it won’t fit in a newsletter so hopefully you can check in here at NOON Thursday Feb 12. I’ll send you a link by email.
