Humans Need Community
Humans require community in order to survive. We are not like sharks or some other solitary animal which can do just fine on their own. From the dawn of time, we survive because we build communities that develop into civilization. With that arrangement, there will be security from predators, more than enough food, and extra hands to help everyone survive.
The greatest threat to human survival is not a T-Rex, it turns out. We have survived every apex predator that has walked the Earth in our time on the planet.
The greatest threat to humans is simply the breakdown in their feelings for one another. Friends become enemies, and the love we felt before can become channeled into a murderous rage. Fixing damaged relationships matters to God.
Jesus said that we should not bother to continue with our religious practices of church going and Bible study, making prayers, or offering sacrifices to God, until we have fixed our damaged relationships. He said just leave the gift at the altar and go fix it, then come back and God will want to be with you. He will even leave his blessing on the works of your hands, but only if you fix things. Fixing things often requires an apology on your part.
How to Destroy an Apology
There are two ways to torpedo an apology even after you gathered up the courage to face the problem with someone you’ve hurt.
“But”—you can spend 20 minutes, apologizing with absolute sincerity, then, as you wipe your tears and blow your nose this one little word can undo everything you have said. Do not end an apology with the word “but”. You're gonna be so tempted to offer some kind of justification for what you have done so it won't be quite as bad on you but resist the temptation. Just put a. At the end of that apology and say, "So I hope you can forgive me for doing that and then look at them until they speak. Probably it will get really easy at that point and you may have saved your friendship, working relationship or even your marriage.
“If” —this is not quite as bad as the last word, but it is a form of equivocation, sort of like a plea bargain with the judge, when you are trying to get the crime down to a misdemeanor. “I'm sorry if I might've done something that might have contributed…” :-) that's a really cowardly way to start things off.
By adding the word “if” to the apology, we muddy the water. Did you do something wrong or not? If you did not, then don't apologize. If you did, then toughen up, and give a legitimate apology, admitting what you did.
Even if you don’t feel that you did the wrong (and who does?) if you have a messed up relationship there’s probably something you could legitimately apologize for just to get the conversation started. Apologize for any little thing you have contributed, and then say something like, “I value our friendship and I really don't want anything to mess that up.” Smile and wait for them to speak.
The point is that as far as Jesus is concerned, it's not OK to scratch off relationship after relationship because something went wrong and you are not willing to go face that person and try to save your relationship.
So, if we want to be a disciple of his, we have to live by a higher standard than that. Here’s this week’s Jesus Quest challenge.
And here are this week’s prayer prompts.
## Jesus Quest Week 3: Fixing Damaged Relationships - Apologizing and Making Restitution
### Day 1: Examining Your Heart and Taking Responsibility
**Scripture Reference:** Matthew 7:3-5
> "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
**Reflection:** Before we can effectively repair damaged relationships, Jesus calls us to honest self-examination. This week we are going to do some amazing repair work on our relational network, but it begins with taking responsibility for our own contributions to relational damage. The Holy Spirit will guide us in strengthening these relationships and mitigating any pain being felt by others.
**Prompts:**
1. How does Jesus' teaching about removing the plank from your own eye apply to your damaged relationships?
2. Have you done anything that contributed to the problems in your damaged relationships?
3. What patterns do you see in your relational conflicts that might indicate areas where you need to grow?
4. Are you willing to take responsibility for your part in relational damage, even when the other person was also wrong?
5. What fears or pride might be preventing you from taking the first step toward reconciliation?
6. Who is the Holy Spirit telling you to contact this week?
7. Do you need to speak out your apology even to someone now dead just to get it said and off your heart?
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### Day 2: Restoring Family Relationships
**Scripture Reference:** Ephesians 4:31-32
> "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
**Reflection:** Family relationships are often the most challenging to repair because they involve our deepest wounds and longest histories. Yet these are also the relationships that can bring the greatest healing when restored. God calls us to approach our family members with the same kindness and compassion that Christ has shown us.
**Prompts:**
1. How can Paul's instruction to "get rid of all bitterness" guide your approach to family relationships that need repair?
2. Which family relationships are currently strained or damaged? What specific issues need to be addressed?
3. Who in your family network should you reach out to and affirm that you respect and value them?
4. Are there family members you need to apologize to for specific words or actions?
5. What bitterness, rage, or anger toward family members do you need to release before attempting reconciliation?
6. How can you show kindness and compassion to family members who have hurt you, following Christ's example?
7. What practical steps will you take this week to begin healing a damaged family relationship?
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### Day 3: Repairing Workplace and Professional Relationships
**Scripture Reference:** Colossians 3:23-24
> "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
**Reflection:** Our workplace relationships are opportunities to demonstrate Christ's love and character. When these relationships are damaged, it affects not only our work environment but also our witness. Approaching workplace reconciliation with the mindset that we are ultimately serving Christ transforms how we handle professional conflicts and restoration.
**Prompts:**
1. How does viewing your work relationships as service to Christ change your approach to workplace conflicts?
2. Which workplace relationships are currently strained? What role did you play in these conflicts?
3. Are there colleagues, supervisors, or business partners you need to apologize to for professional mistakes or attitudes?
4. Who in your workplace should you have coffee with just to try and restore the flow between you, even if there hasn't been a known problem?
5. What professional promises have you broken that might require an apology or restitution?
6. How can you demonstrate Christ's character in your approach to workplace reconciliation?
7. What fears are holding you back from reaching out to repair professional relationships?
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### Day 4: Navigating Romantic and Intimate Relationship Restoration
**Scripture Reference:** 1 Peter 4:8
> "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
**Reflection:** Romantic relationships require special wisdom when it comes to restoration, as we must be careful not to create new problems on top of old ones. Whether dealing with current relationships or past ones, we must approach restoration with deep love, appropriate boundaries, and careful consideration of all parties involved.
**Prompts:**
1. How does Peter's teaching about love covering "a multitude of sins" guide your approach to romantic relationship restoration?
2. Are there current romantic relationships that need healing? What specific issues need to be addressed with love and honesty?
3. Regarding your romantic past, are there apologies that need to be made while maintaining appropriate boundaries?
4. What wisdom do you need from God and trusted advisors before attempting to restore a relationship with someone with whom you were once romantically involved?
5. How can you ensure that attempts at restoration don't create new pain or complications for anyone involved?
6. What patterns in your romantic relationships need to change to prevent future damage?
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### Day 5: Healing Church and Spiritual Community Relationships
**Scripture Reference:** Luke 19:8-9
> "But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, 'Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.' Jesus said to him, 'Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham.'"
**Reflection:** Church relationships can be the most painful to repair because they involve our spiritual family and sacred trust. Yet Jesus' encounter with Zacchaeus shows us that true repentance often requires restitution—making things right in practical ways. In our church we have a belief called "restitution where possible"—a beautiful idea that our hearts tell us to do, but how seldom done in the end.
**Prompts:**
1. How does Zacchaeus's example of restitution inspire your approach to repairing church relationships?
2. Which church or spiritual community relationships need healing? What specific wounds or conflicts need to be addressed?
3. Are there church leaders, fellow believers, or ministry partners you need to apologize to?
4. Like Zacchaeus, is there any restitution you need to make—returning what was taken, repaying what was owed, or making amends for harm caused?
5. What church conflicts or divisions have you contributed to that need your repentance and active reconciliation?
6. How can you approach church relationship restoration with the same humility and generosity that Zacchaeus showed?
7. What practical steps of restitution might God be calling you to make in your spiritual community relationships?
8. Who in your church network should you reach out to simply to affirm your love and respect for them, even if there's been no major conflict?
